If You Ask Me If I Love Him
by obliquedge
Summary: Dasey songfic to Taylor Swift's 'I'd Lie'. Casey mulls over how well she knows Derek, and how well she wants to get to know him.


Disclaimer: _Life With Derek_ is not mine. I would totally suck at writing screenplays anyway, because I live for fanfic and fanfic alone(:

Summary: Casey mulls over how she feels about Derek, and all the things she knows about him. A songfic to Taylor Swift's _I'd Lie_.

A/N: I really can't decide if I like this or not. Songfics generally aren't my style either, but I decided it wasn't so excruciatingly horrible that I couldn't post it up. Plus, the song was just too fitting.

Do please drop a review and tell me what you think! I may, if I have the time, do a one-shot, non-songfic version of this in more of a narrative and less of a story-telling slash music video form. It's my first LWD fic, though, so be kind, and - if you have the time - don't forget to check out all my Harry Potter fics too:D

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**If You Ask Me If I Love Him**

"Get in, Casey," snaps Derek as he sits in the driver's seat, beckoning to me. "Will you hurry up? We're about to be late for school."

I falter.

Derek's never been famous for being careful with anything, so there's no reason to believe that he'll be more cautious when it comes to driving.

Maybe I should just walk to school.

I am about to suggest this to him, but then he smiles at me and I grab my coat from the stand and climb into Derek's new car quickly. While I may have my doubts about Derek's ability to drive, I decide that getting into an accident would be worth it if I could ride next to him.

Unlike if mom were driving. After that incident a couple of months back, when she caused Marti to puke onme, Derek, Lizzie and Edwin from excessive motion sickness, I am never getting onto a car with mom behind the wheel again.

If it was Derek, however, I think I would.

_I don't think that passenger seat / Has ever looked this good to me_

"So last night, Marti woke up because she dreamt that there was a giant cockroach chasing after her, and came to my room," Derek says, starting up the car engine and pulling out of the driveway. "I spent a whole hour reassuring her that there were no giant cockroaches anywhere in thise house."

I nod, barely even registering the words he's saying. I mumble something indistinctly as I stare at his profile, his eyes fixed intently on the road. His eyes are a very pretty brown, tinged with hints of sea green. Except that I'd never tell him his eyes are pretty, because he'd kill me.

I'd never tell him that I was staring at his eyes either.

_He tells me about his night / I count the colors in his eyes_

Derek laughs as he stops the car at a junction. "So, the girl from Biology has been checking me out," he saya, and I snap out of my reverie. "Too bad I'll never be intersted in her."

My heart lifts. "Why not?" I ask. It's rare to hear Derek not taking the advantage to flirt with a new member of the female gender. Derek will flirt with any female on earth. Any female on earth, except for me, his annoying step-sister.

"After that whole fiasco with Kendra, I'll never fall in love, ever," Derek swears.

My heart falls. I force a laugh, silently hoping that he's merely joking.

_He'll never fall in love, he swears / As he runs his fingers through his hair  
__I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong_

He turns on the stereo. I recognise the song immediately – it's a song by The Bare Naked Ladies, a band I'd never be caught dead listening to. I only go for country and western, not to mention some love ballads by – and I am not ashamed to admit it – Westlife.

Yet I can recognise every single one of his favourite songs.

"Get it?" Derek asks suddenly, and I realise that I've not been listening to his joke. At least, I assume he's been telling a joke, because he's grinning stupidly. But then again, he could also have been making a dig at me, or my supposedly atrocious fashion sense.

I nod and smile, preferring to avoid answering his question (especially since I can't answer, seeing as how I haven't been paying attention). "What song is this?" I ask, even though I already know the answer, even before he says a word.

_And I don't think it ever crossed his mind / He tells a joke, I fake a smile  
__But I know all his favorite songs_

So many things I know about Derek, from the years of living in the same house with him. There are things that he doesn't need to tell me, but I know anyway. I know his favourite colours, his favourite bands, his favourite foods and so many other things. I know how to tell when he's angry and when he's just looking for a challenging argument, or when he's merely play-acting or really upset. I know his birthday, and all the dates of his big hockey games. I know that he looks like his father, and their characters are also eerily similar.

But I don't love him. I don't.

_And I could tell you / His favorite color's green  
He loves to argue / Born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful / He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him / I'd lie_

I came home before Derek, because he had hockey practice after school. There is a click in the door and my pen stops in mid-stroke. As Derek opensthe door and steps in, throwing his hockey stick to one side, I look up from my work instantly.

There is no particular reason to explain why I am doing my work in the kitchen instead of my room. No reason at all.

Derek glances around the room, but not once does his eyes fall on me. He steps over to the cookie jar and grabsa few cookies out, before walking past me and towards the stairs up to his room. I don't have to be able to see him to know that he'll say hi to 'Smarti' on the way up, tell Lizzie not to leave her soccer ball in the hallway and give Edwin a noogie before returning to his room.

Then he'll go into his room, turn on the music so loud he's bound to lose his hearing a couple of years down the road, and conveniently ignore his homework.

I know. I remember. I remember it all.

_He looks around the room / Innocently overlooks the truth  
Shouldn't a light go on / Doesn't he know that I've had him memorized for so long_

They think he has no feelings. And Derek's not about to let anyone think otherwise, either. But I know how much he loves Marti – he'll do anything for her, even if he does pretend to sit on her in order to get her out of his chair.

Derek loves Edwin. Even though Derek spends most of his time putting Edwin down and bullying Edwin into doing his work or chores, Derek will most definitely be there to reassure Edwin if he needs help.

Derek loves his dad. He calls George embarrassing and outdated, all the time, but Derek can't live without his Dad, and I know that, even if he refuses to admit it to anyone. Not even himself.

And Derek's even coming to love Lizzie and Nora. He calls them the evil MacDonalds, but they're part of his family now.

But he'd never let anyone know that he actually loves his family. And I'll never let anyone know that I actually love him.

_He sees everything in black and white / Never let nobody see him cry  
__I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine_

I gather up my books and trek back upstairs. To my surprise, Derek is standing in the hall, right outside his room. For a second, he just stands there and stares at me. I stare right on back, but only because I've become rooted to the ground.

He gives me a strange look, and I blink, gulping nervously and hoping he doesn't notice that.

"You're such a freak, Casey," he says flatly. Then he turns and walks back into his room, like nothing has ever happened, shutting the door with an almost inaudible but firm, decisive thud. The hallway is empty and silent again. I release a breath.

I can finally breathe.

_He stands there, then walks away  
__My God, if I could only say / I'm holding every breath for you_

The door to his room is still ajar, and as I walk past, I peek through it. He's seated on his bed, gently strumming his guitar. And even though I know I should walk on before he sees me, I can't.

Derek looks up.

He sees me in the doorway, staring intently, and turns away from me immediately. He thinks I'm going to laugh at him. He thinks that I think that it's silly for a guy like him to be playing the guitar. He doesn't want to give me the chance to ridicule him.

If he only knows what I really thought.

_He'd never tell you, but he can play guitar / I think he can see through everything but my heart_

The next morning, I roll out of bed sleepily. As I open the doors, I see Derek running past.

"Ha!" he calls out. "I get the toilet first!" Then he dashes into the bathroom and slams to door on me. I hear Lizzie's annoyed grumbles at the amount of noise Derek is making and Edwin yelping as he falls out of his bed and onto the ground. I should be annoyed too, because Derek has once again selfishly usurped the use of the toilet.

But all I can think about is the fact that he's so beautiful.

_First thought when I wake up is / My God, he's beautiful_

I sit down before my dresser, looking over all the make-up and beauty products I have strewn across the surface. But I know he's never going to look at me, to ever spare me a single glance, not even if I'm made-up to look like the most beautiful model ever to walk the face of this earth.

He's never going to even look at me, no matter how pretty, popular, smart, friendly or perfect I may become. He'll never notice me unless there's a miracle.

_So I put on my make-up and pray for a miracle_

It doesn't matter, even if I know a thousand and one things about him. Derek Venturi – popular, hockey forward, number one prankster and procrastinator, personification of the word 'lazy' and step-brother of Casey MacDonald. I could write a book on him and never finish.

It's plain torture, having to see him everyday, argue with him every day, and to pretend that he doesn't affect me in the least. It's torture, having to remember that there are somethings that I should never tell the truth about.

_Yes I could tell you / His favorite color's green  
He loves to argue / Oh, and it kills me  
His sister's beautiful / He has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him…_

And, well, if you ask me if I love him?

_I'd lie._


End file.
